i love to tell stories. stories, i believe, bring people together. stories bring truth, humour, revelation. i've wanted to tell this story for a long time, but didn't know how. i didn't know how to put my thoughts into words. here i go anyway, and though words can sometimes fail, here is my feeble attempt.
in october 2012, i went to thailand for the first time. though it was only for two weeks, i loved every minute of my time there. i came home after travelling to india, and tried to settle back into a routine. the problem was, i had changed. i was not the same person anymore. any attempt i tried to shake thailand off me failed. i didn't know how i was going back, or when, but i knew that somehow, someday, i would be back.
fastforward a few months, and an opportunity to go back to thailand arose. on september 6th, 2013, i flew back to the country which gripped my heart.
fastforward another month, october 2013. i ended up doing an internship in the exact city God had placed on my heart one year earlier.
it was totally and completely God-ordained.
my first month in thailand i did a missions training program, impact school of missions (ism), which equipped and prepared me for my next few months of internship.
when applying to ism, i had to choose my top five ministries to intern with. there were ministries throughout south east asia i could volunteer with, and although i loved thailand, volunteering in thailand wasn't one of my top three choices. my first choice was a ministry in kolkata, india. my second choice was a coffee shop in cambodia. i was excited about both options, until i noticed a volunteer opportunity at a children's home in thailand. i didn't notice it the first time i was looking through possible internships, but it gripped me. the description fit me perfectly. i still wanted to intern in india, but i changed option #2 to the children's home. i submitted my application, but i couldn't shake the children's home from my mind. that was where i really wanted to be. i wanted to change my options, but it was too late. i knew though that if i were to go to india, God would use me in incredible ways. so i put it in His hands.
when i found out my first choice in india had already been filled, i was secretly overjoyed. i would get my second option of the children's home in thailand. i knew this was where God wanted me for this next season.
as i received more information about the children's home, it was even more clear to me that this is where God wanted me. when i found out the name of the missionary i would be in contact with, my mouth dropped. i had met this missionary the year before. this same missionary asked me to come to thailand and teach english. we exchanged e-mail addresses and i told her i would be in contact with her.
my friends encouraged me to come back and teach, but i tried to push the idea away. i tried to run away from God's calling, but i couldn't. it came back full circle one year later when i ended up in the same city, talking to the same missionary, who in 2012 encouraged me to come back. it was in this city where God gave me a burden for thailand.
God has a funny way of working. i knew i would go back to thailand one day. little did i know i would be going back exactly one year later. i didn't want to come to thailand to teach, and though the door was wide open in october 2012 to be an english teacher in thailand, i tried to ignore God. i would find a different opportunity. when i found this internship program, i knew this was for me. i would be able to go to thailand, but didn't necessarily have to teach. i had other options. and yet, i found myself in the exact same place a year later teaching english.
i have wrestled with the idea of teaching english for a long time now. in university, people would ask me if i wanted to be an english teacher. i gave them a judgmental look, and told them no. i was not called to be a teacher. strangers would tell me that i should teach english overseas. i would smile and say i'd think about it, but i had no intention of actually thinking about it. i knew it wasn't for me.
i came to thailand with no intention of teaching english, and yet, that's where i found myself. i never knew until i was there how important english is. people want to learn the language. people need to learn the language. and here i was, already born knowing to speak the language, and refusing to teach it to others. it wasn't until thailand that i learned how teaching english is such a huge tool to preach the gospel. countries are desperate for english teachers, and the doors have swung wide open - they aren't just slightly cracked. i didn't know something i already had, was born with, came without me even thinking about it, could be used for God's kingdom.
i guess i came with the desire to do something big. start something new. do something all on my own. my own creation with God's help. and though i had good intentions, and i completely believe God can and will do big impossible things, i didn't really see missions as coming to serve those already here. i wanted to impose what i thought people needed, when it turns out what people really needed was english teachers.
yes, people need the gospel. people need Jesus. but i was overlooking a very simple way to minister.
yes, God does big things through us, but God also works in small everyday things that may seem insignificant to us. i thought teaching english was a small insignificant thing. but God changed my heart to show me how much of an impact it can have on those around me. from students, to parents, to teachers.
i guess i had all these preconceived ideas of missions work. but it turns out these notions were more like excuses to not be obedient to God's calling on my life. i kept telling God i couldn't go to the nations because i'm shy. i'm not outgoing or wild or bubbly or a people person. i'm quiet and prefer spending time with people one on one.
being by myself in a new country was hard. i had to force myself to do things i had never done before. making friends with people when i could only speak five words of thai was really tough. my prayer was just to have a conversation with someone that was longer than two minutes. i wanted to really have a friendship with those around me. a deeper connection.
it was simple, but something incredible happened when i stepped out of my comfort zone and started to trust God. i made friendships with people that were deep and will last. i had long meaningful conversations with people whom i was told didn't speak a word of english. i poured out my heart without speaking a word of thai. people poured their hearts out to me using few english words. i built friendships with people, not by my own doing or strength, but because God used me just the way He created me. i didn't have to be someone i'm not. i just had to listen to those around me, be present, enjoy their company, keep it simple. talk to people one one one. things God has already given me the ability to do. i just had to simply trust God.
yes, being in another country changes you. surrendering all you are to God changes you. you are not the same person you once were. and that's a good thing. but never underestimate whom God has designed you to be. He has made you in a way that is beautiful and special, and you don't need to be like anyone else to be those things. God's told all of us to "go". that may look different to each person, but God has uniquely designed us in a way to reach those around us. He has placed you where you are to reach those around you. He has given you a jargon to reach those in your sphere of influence. He has given you interests and dreams that are relevant to those you are in contact with. He loves you and He loves those around you.
leaving thailand broke my heart. i have never experienced pain like that before. but i know i will be back. God is faithful. looking back, i see His hand on every step of this journey. He has never left me. and the journey isn't over yet.
i love to tell stories, but thankfully this one isn't over yet. this story is still being written.
